A Shade Darker Than You Thought
by Mouse-size-Dragon
Summary: Stiles is not a nice guy. Stiles is the asshole willing to do things nice guys don't to get results. But now Stiles can't be himself without reminding his friends of the nogitsune and it's stifling to have to be the nice guy he really isn't.


**Title: **A Shade Darker Than You Thought

**Fandom:** Teen Wolf

**Summary:** Stiles is not a nice guy, Stiles is the asshole willing to do things nice guys don't to get results. But now Stiles can't be himself without reminding his friends of the nogitsune and it's stifling to have to be the nice guy he really isn't.

**Characters:** Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall, Sheriff Stilinski, Allison, Derek, Lydia, Jackson, Danny, Heather, Peter, almost everybody is mentioned.

**Pairing(s):** None

**WARNING:** BAMF!Stiles, Amoral!Stiles,

**Disclaimer: **Teen Wolf does not belong to me.

**AN: **None of this is Betaed by anyone but me so sorry for any mistakes. This was going to go on longer into a chapter(s) where people besides Stiles found out about how he feels/thinks (like Stiles character studies from everyone else's points of view and then a confrontation where they hash it out) but I'm trying to stop myself from starting any more chaptered fics than I already have posted so those ones can be finished first. Also it very naturally ends where it does.

**A Shade Darker Than You Thought**

Stiles has never been a nice guy. True nice guys are very rare, especially in their teenage years. Jackson is a bully and a jerk, Scott is the quintessential nice guy (like Superman reincarnated, he's the ultimate boy scout), Danny was kind enough to avoid being a jerk but selfish enough to not be some perfect angel everyone hates. Stiles on the other hand would have ended up universally hated long ago if his best friend hadn't been Scott. Because Stiles was the kind of person who wouldn't mind tearing down the world to suit his own purposes. Stiles isn't cruel, at least not unnecessarily so, but he is brutal, vicious, harsh. He's not a good guy, he's probably a bad guy but he's not evil, he just isn't good. It's hard to explain or put into words that don't sound disturbing but Stiles would do anything he had to for his family and friends, no matter how the rest of the world would perceive the act. He has always known he would be willing to kill to protect the people he loves. But not just kill, killing is the easy part (except some people aren't killers, looking at you Scott), Stiles would be willing to torture his enemies or threaten innocents (innocence is relative anyway) if that was what he needed to do. Stiles, like Batman, uses Scott, like Superman, as his moral compass because otherwise he might not always know how far is too far.

He always liked Batman best because the guy wasn't a hero, he was a vigilante who worked outside (and around and between) the law and outside the moral constrains of true heroes like Superman. Batman had a darkness about him that kept him from being one of the real heroes, the ones who could fly about in the light of day saving kittens and earning metals. That, the brutal willingness to do anything and everything to protect those he felt were his to protect, was what Stiles connected to. They share a grittiness of character that most people frown upon in real life. Being the intelligent plain old human, the detective, those are just bonus features they also happened to share.

Although he wasn't always as hard (hard is a good word for it because he isn't cold) as he ended up Stiles was always willing to do whatever he needed to for those he cared about. Scott and Stiles became friends in second grade and while they weren't each other's only friends, Stiles had Heather and Jackson and Danny who he'd known since they were in diapers together and Scott sometimes hung out with Erica since the two of them often had to sit out of gym class together, Scott and Stiles quickly became each other's best friends. They had so much in common they hung out at each other's houses that whole year and the whole summer, and looking back Stiles can see that Jackson was just jealous of Scott who seemed to be taking away one of his best friends. But as a kid he didn't think about that kind of thing so when Jackson, who was at that point still one of Stiles' closest friends, started bullying Scott when they all began third grade Stiles lost it. When Jackson who had been making fun of Scott and teasing him about his parent's divorce shoved Scott one day after school when Stiles was there to witness it Stiles shoved back. Well he actually jumped on Jackson from behind and beat him up all while yelling at him about how much of a jerk-face he was for picking on Stiles' best friend and how ("you're dead to me") their friendship was over. Jackson got a broken nose, a split lip, and Danny. Stiles got Scott, a bad reputation among the rest of the kids their age, and Jackson's eternal hatred.

A few years later when his Mom was in the hospital and in pain Stiles tried to help her. He did everything his parents asked, took over the household chores, and just kept smiling so Mom would be happy and Dad would stop being so sad. Except she wasn't getting better and eventually they had her on bed rest and Dad and Mom decided to bring her home. In home hospice where a nurse came over each afternoon to check on Mom, Stiles figured out pretty quickly that being home from the hospital didn't mean Mom was going to get better. One morning when she was lucid and actually recognized him Mom asked Stiles to get more than her usual dose of morphine. She told him she wanted to go now before she lost the ability to ask, before she became a vegetable and wasted away, or lost herself so completely that she never recognized him and Dad anymore. She begged him to increase her dose, to keep giving more to her even when she fell asleep, to not stop until she stopped breathing. So he did. After she promised she'd said goodbye to Dad last night, and that was true because he'd been spying on them from the hallway, and she said goodbye to him. He did it.

Stiles killed his own mother. At her request, he tells himself it was an assisted suicide not murder, but he still felt like he'd killed her (and he had). He knew exactly what the morphine was going to do; he looked up all her medications and procedures as soon as he found out about them. It helps Stiles to be informed, he likes knowing (knowledge is power and a small dark, deeply hidden, part of Stiles has always craved power (no, what he really craves is control)). He didn't just agree right away, though it didn't take long, and he didn't do it just for her sake. When she asked Stiles gave her the regular dose and whispered his goodbyes as she fell asleep and then he thought about her request from all angles. This would make her happy, Dad wouldn't have to suffer through watching Mom fade away any longer, they could move forward and start really grieving once Mom was truly gone, the bills and medication and nurses could stop piling up which would mean less stress for Dad to deal with once Mom passed away. Most importantly there weren't any real benefits to forcing Mom to stay alive any longer. There was no point in making her linger when they knew there was no way she would ever get any better. And why not give her a peaceful death, a painless passing away in her sleep? So he did, he loaded up her IV with enough morphine to kill her and sat there holding his mother's hand, fingers against her pulse, as she died because of his choice. Then he carefully put everything away and got out his video games and made it look like he'd been playing downstairs while she slept upstairs until the nurse came that afternoon and found her dead.

No one but Stiles ever knew. He was just a kid who sat with his dying mother, watched her fall asleep, and went downstairs to quietly play like he did every day for weeks that summer while she died peacefully in her sleep. She was dying and everyone knew it had only been a matter of time so no one checked her body for an overdose. It was ruled natural causes and Stiles was ushered out of the house over to the McCall's until his father could come pick him up and explain to him that Mom had died that afternoon. He cried, they both did, and Stiles never told anyone that he knew his mother had really died that morning. Dad thought he was protecting his son from knowing that his Mom had died while he was sitting downstairs and made it sound like it had happened after Stiles left the house. But Stiles knew the truth and he protected Dad by never telling him that his son had killed his wife.

Long before Scott ever got bitten by Peter Hale Stiles knew how far he'd go. He already knew he would kill and betray and lie for the people he loves. So when Scott becomes a werewolf Stiles is there. He lies, he steals (he never did get around to giving back that heart rate monitor he borrowed from Coach), he uses Derek's body and Danny's sexuality (and no he doesn't lose sleep over any of it), he plans to firebomb a man traumatized by living through the house fire that killed the rest of his family and paralyzed him for six years and doesn't flinch, he kidnaps Jackson (and only thinks back for a second on when Jackson used to be one of his closest friends before volunteering the plan of killing him, Jackson was not one of his important people anymore), he tells Allison to shoot Derek in the head without pausing (take out the Alpha and the Betas will fall, they are but foolish teenagers in over their heads after all (Stiles may be a teenager but he has never been that naive and will not let anything stay over his head)), he is relentless and ruthless and breaks far too many laws to keep count, and he doesn't care. Stiles will do what it takes, and if what it takes is something no one else will do then that is why he is here.

Morality is defined by the norms of the society one is raised in; what is wrong to one man may be culturally acceptable to another. Stiles likes to think that somewhere there may be a culture, or cultures, in which everything he has done is perfectly right and completely legal; he has potentially done nothing wrong. Besides, what right does one man have to judge the ethics of another? How do you even define who is 'worthy' to be the judge of that? Even Scott has made mistakes. Even his _Dad_ has made mistakes.

Peter offered him the bite and he almost said yes. The ability to protect Scott and his Dad, and the rest of their friends who are quickly growing closer to the top of his 'important people' list appeals to him (it goes like this: Dad, Scott, Melissa, Heather, Danny (because you can't hate Danny even when he abandons your friendship for Jackson's), Lydia, for years but now Allison, Jackson, Derek, Erica, Issac, Boyd and Cora are on there with Kira and Malia tentatively coming in last place). Of course years ago when Scott found out that he was the second most important person in Stiles' life he was so happy that Stiles hadn't told him that even the people on his list aren't safe; there is nothing and no one he wouldn't sacrifice on the alter of keeping his Dad safe and happy (at least as happy as possible while still keeping him safe). He won't let his Dad suffer after what he did to his Mom so if he had to he'd kill even Scott. And there are moments when he considers it; when his Dad is suspended and he considers going to the Argents and just wiping out all the people and things in this town involved in this supernatural mess including the hunters once they'd helped him eliminate everyone else, but he doesn't, he can't quite convince himself to part with Scott. He's selfish like that.

He sees the appeal of being stronger, faster, and having superior senses like Scott now has. But the drawbacks stop him from really wanting it, not the hunters or wolfsbane or the inability to cross a line of dirt (seriously, it's a burnt tree guys), no, it's the loss of control that Stiles can't stomach. Stiles has fought his whole life to be able to control himself, ADHD sucks, but maybe if he could be sure that lycanthropy would cure his ADHD he might take the bite because after having spent years learning to focus, fighting against himself for control, he'd make a damn good werewolf. But then again he'd be trading one loss of control for another so he isn't sure that's a trade he's willing to make. (Better the devil you know and all.)

Since there isn't much else Stiles isn't willing to do for the sake of his friends and family (maybe he should just call them his pack already) he's learned to adapt. When his best friend, and apparently everyone else around them including their enemies, became a werewolf that could tell when he was lying due to changes in his heart rate Stiles learned how to control that. Same with his scent (not that Scott seemed to notice when Stiles changed the kind of soap he used), control is key. Once his father knew he was facing actual monsters on a daily basis he let him get a license to carry, as the son of the Sheriff he was always proficient his Dad just never let him carry a gun around before (and he hadn't really wanted to until he was fighting a kanima, hunters, a psycho English teacher with dark magic and werewolves, so many werewolves, to keep his pack safe). Now his heart may be racing from fear and adrenaline but it won't change when he lies to the latest wolf attacking them. ('What the heck even is an Alpha? Oh my god you're crazy!' 'You're useless, I can smell the Pack on you but you don't even know what they are do y-' 'Yeah, sorry, I might have let you live if you hadn't killed that homeless dude last week. My Dad doesn't like it when people in our town get killed, neither does Scott.')

So Stiles knows how to lie to werewolves, he has always been a master of twisting language to suit him. There are actually multiple ways: don't lie instead use the truth in a manner that gets them to believe the story you want them to believe, or use pain or anything else you would to beat a polygraph, or most easily just tell the lie and believe that they won't catch you. The only reason the werewolves know you're lying is because you get anxious that they will catch your lie and your heart rate changes and you start sweating and giving off the signs of lying. If you are completely confident in your lie and your heart doesn't jump then your lupine friend won't realize you told them anything other than the complete truth. He thinks though that this may be a trick that only works for him because he tends to be focusing on a number of other things even while he tells the lie, since he's not even thinking about what's coming out of his mouth any more he rarely even registers that he should be worried about being caught in his lies. Lies have always come easily to him; lies, like morality, are another subjective he doesn't feel as bound by as everyone else seems to be. That and the fact that none of the werewolves have actually trained as interrogators and yet they all seem to think that a little heart rate fluctuation is all they need to determine when someone tells a lie (don't they know that polygraphs are more about the reactions the interviewer reads off of the subject in conjunction with all the readings (heart rate, blood pressure, perspiration, etc.) than just a single heart beat).

Stiles is ready to deal with anything. Until he isn't. Because suddenly suggesting that they kill the threat isn't a joke slash semi-serious suggestion anymore. Now, after the Nogitsune used his face, his body, his voice, his scent, to kill and torment them, his friends are wary. They're afraid of any hint of 'darkness' in him. While he knows he's always been a certain amount of dark, there's a reason he likens himself to the Dark Knight and never a white knight, they don't understand that and he scares them. He notices them watching him carefully after he makes a suggestion that seems a touch too close to the Nogitsune.

He thinks they should have re-killed Peter instead of locking him up. They definitely should have killed Deucalion instead of letting him go (now with added sight for his benefit!). But he can't say these things anymore without everyone, even Scott, getting momentarily nervous around him. Sometimes even his Dad looks at him oddly, like he's only just now realizing things about Stiles that he's ignored for years could mean something else, and treats him with kid gloves for a few hour after. Some days he wants to stop and tell his Dad everything, admit to the ways his mind clearly doesn't work like everyone else's does. But then he thinks of his Mom and what he did to her, for her, and realizes he can never tell his Dad anything that might lead them towards that revelation. So he bites his tongue and plays the nice guy role as hard as he can. Maybe if he plays long enough it will become habit and he really will be one of the good guys. So he squashes everything down and lets himself hope. It gets harder every day not to be himself but the people important to him don't want the real Stiles, they want a nice innocent version that doesn't exist. They want someone so completely removed from darkness that they won't be reminded of the Nogitsune when they look at him.

Stiles is selfish. (For as long as it takes, for as long as he can.) Stiles lies to them.


End file.
